Archive for Olympics

The Olympian Part II

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 4, 2014 by huntercovington

INT. SWIMMING POOL OLYMPIC SIZED – DAY

ALBERTO CONGRESS, our boy, is struggling to finish his set of laps or whatever. This is NOT like last time. Last time he was KILLING IT. Like crazy fast swimming no one had ever been ever understanding even. Nuts.

He’s going so slow. His coach, TIM AZWEDO, is NOT impressed. He was impressed before. Not impressed at all. He doesn’t know what to say to Alberto or how to approach him. Alberto is still in the pool. He just looks so fucking weak to Tim Azwedo. Tim Azwedo just can’t take it anymore. It’s driving him crazy.

Tim Azwedo jumps in the pool and stops the swimming Alberto like how Superman would stop a train (with his arm out straight so his open hand will basically mash right into Alberto’s swimming head).

Alberto is kind of like what the fuck, man?

ALBERTO

What the fuck, man? Is this “Cool Coach” shit? Because we told you it’s not cool.

TIM AZWEDO

This is not “Cool Coach” shit. I stopped doing that. Well, I shouldn’t

say that. I still do it at home because my wife thinks it’s hot.

I don’t know if his wife thinks it’s hot. Maybe it would be more dynamic is she didn’t think that. Then again, we risk giving everyone the same attitude in re: Cool Coach. I don’t want to make a decision right now.

ALBERTO

Then what the fuck is it? I’m trying to be the best fucking American swimmer since Mark Spitz.

Note: I’m intentionally skipping Michael Phelps just to get under Phelpsy’s skin. This will drive that dude nuts!

Hey, Phelpsy!

Calm your bones and go have a Subway!

Hahhahahahhaha.

Fuck that guy.

Anyway.

TIM AZWEDO

I get it. I just think you’re overtraining. Pushing yourself to hard.

ALBERTO

I know what overtraining is. You didn’t have to define it immediately after saying it.

I see your Uncool Coach persona is really coming along.

TIM AZWEDO

Hey, fuck you man.

ALBERTO

Easy.

TIM AZWEDO

You’re right. Just… I don’t know. Take it a bit easier.

ALBERTO

If I was any easier, I’d be your wife!

TIM AZWEDO

I don’t know if that even tracks, but I also don’t give a shit. Our careers are so

intertwined right now. I have to take abuse from you.

ALBERTO

I know that shit. You need me as much or more than I need you. Go get me a burger.

Tim Azwedo exits, knowing he has to get Alberto a burger, but also feeling like he got his overtraining message across, even if he was a bit redundant about it.

Alberto does a sad swim to the side of the pool and gets out awkwardly like people do. His muscles are so fucking sore. He is overtraining. Man.

Alberto walks over to some bleachers or whatever and lays down while he waits for his burger.

He puts a towel over his head and just listens to the sounds of the natatorium. Soothing.

Suddenly the peaces is broken by:

MAN (O.S.)

Hey.

Alberto knows that fucking voice. It’s the drug dealer guy.

ALBERTO

Aw, man. What the shit?

MAN

It’s me again.

ALBERTO

I know that, motherfucker.

Alberto sits up and sees this guy, then pumps his fist because he was right; he did know this motherfucker.

MAN

You’re having some problems with your recovery, aren’t you?

ALBERTO

No. The fuck you know anyways?

MAN

Easy, tiger.

ALBERTO

I’m not a tiger, I’m a lion. And you’re just a gazelle who’s about to get eaten by me, a lion.

MAN

You look like a lion who’s overtraining.

ALBERTO

Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Alberto is so pissed! Everyone is calling him out on overtraining and they’re totally right.

Shit.

MAN

I’ve got the drugs. You just say the word.

Alberto thinks about it hard. He knows no Olympian Champion has ever done drugs and he doesn’t want to be the first. But he also knows if he does the drugs, it will help his overtraining and allow him to be an Olympian Champion.

This is a difficult decision.

Finally:

ALBERTO

I’m not buying drugs from you…

The Man is bummed.

ALBERTO (CONT’D)

…today.

The Man brightens up.

ALBERTO

You’ve only asked me twice and I’ve held strong. Very strong.

But I won’t be able to resist your charms a third time. Who could?

Alberto winks at the Man. The Man knows what’s up.

MAN

Alright, see you tomorrow!

ALBERTO

Okay, well don’t be gross about it. Give it a little time to breathe.

MAN

In a couple days?

ALBERTO

Exactly.

They surreptitiously do a complex handshake that will eventually evolve into their own secret handshake.

The Man vanishes (walks out of the swimming pool area).

TO BE CONTINUED…

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The Olympian Part I

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on August 12, 2013 by huntercovington

INT. SWIMMING POOL OLYMPIC SIZED – DAY

This guy, ALBERTO CONGRESS, 17, amazing swimmer’s body, is swimming.  Also, blond hair.  He swims so hard.  So hard that his coach, TIM AZWEDO, bites through his whistle, crunching it in his teeth like so many whatevers are crunchy.

Alberto finishes up his strokes and gets out of the pool, dripping with water he recently peed in.  He pulls off his goggles and swim cap and just looks fucking dope.  Like the Terminator of swimming.

Tim Azwedo approaches him.

TIM AZWEDO

Daaaaaannnnngggg!

ALBERTO

I know, right?

TIM AZWEDO

Right?!

ALBERTO

LOL.

TIM AZWEDO

You did the damn thing!

ALBERTO

I did.  Why are you talking like that?

TIM AZWEDO

Because I’m Cool Coach now.

ALBERTO

Shit.  Forgot about that.  The guys wanted me to say something.

TIM AZWEDO

About what?

ALBERTO

Cool Coach.

TIM AZWEDO

Too cool?  LOL.

ALBERTO

No.  LOL.

TIM AZWEDO

Oh.  LOL.

ALBERTO

 We all think it’s dumb as hell.  Just be who you are: Tim Azwedo, Olympic

swimming coach for the United States Swimming Team.

TIM AZWEDO

You’re right.  I got some shit to go through I guess.

Tim Azwedo walks away, to deal with some of the shit he has to go through.  I guess.

Alberto shakes out his fatigued muscles.  Did he really just swim that fast?  Did he?

MAN

Yes, you did.

Whoa!  Wow!  Wow wow wow!

ALBERTO

(shocked)

Are you… are you telepathic?

MAN

No.

ALBERTO

Do you know what “telepathic” means?

MAN

Yes.

ALBERTO

So you know I’m basically asking you if you can read my thoughts?

MAN

I fucking know that shit.  I’m not telepathic.  You were talking out loud.  Do you know what “out loud” means?

ALBERTO

I feel like you’re fucking with me now, an Olympic swimmer just training for the Olympics.

MAN

How would you like to swim even faster?

ALBERTO

Um… how?  I already train the shit out of my body EVERY. DAY.

MAN

These.

The Man almost inexplicably dumps out the contents of a backpack onto the warm, wet concrete of the swimming pool area cement.  There are little jars of liquid, pills and all kinds of shit you would associate with steroids and HGH.

ALBERTO

Whoa.  Call me Hall & Oates ’cause I can’t go for that.  No can do.

Albert crosses away, shaking his head, thinking about Hall & Oates and where the fuck is his Private Eyes CD is.

MAN

This motherfucker.

The Man starts to put all his paraphernalia back into his backpack.

MAN

He will change his mind.  He will.  Otherwise, we will have no story.

The Man vanishes (walks out of the swimming pool area).

TO BE CONTINUED…